When I was younger, I rebelled against the Lord. I took my own path and started doing as I pleased. All that partying and drinking took me down a path that turned my life for the worst; I went nowhere. When I came back to Him after six long years of fighting and running away, I returned broken, but very grateful. Since then I find myself often saying that I hope never to rebel in this way again. I never say ‘never’ because you don’t know what can happen. After a few years of having my life back on track with the Lord, I found a new way of rebelling… I discovered a way that is worse than before. So much so, that I now find myself saying, maybe it’s better to rebel openly as I did in the past, than in this manner.
When a Christian gives into his old ways and habits, it’s bad, but not as serious, because he has simply given into his desires, which will later lead to destruction if he continues on this path. But it is still just his weaknesses, which is understandable; because he is human, and the Lord knows that and will set him free, provided he shows a desire for the Lord to do that. But when a Christian hardens his heart and then abandons his walk with Jesus, that’s when things get more serious; because his problem is no longer with his old desires, but with God Himself; and, many, many people have left for good for that reason.
It’s so easy to harden your heart towards God, especially when you don’t understand the place He has in your life, or who He really is. It’s also easy to get irritated with God when He allows certain things to happen in your life and you struggle with them. It’s even very easy to get angry at God for not letting your life go the way you want it, but the way He wants it to. So, as you can see, there are many reasons why one could get mad at God. And, allow me tell you something: this is not a good place to be.
What do you do, when you find yourself in such a position? Humble yourself and repent to the Lord; yes, repent! Even I twitched when I heard that, but then I did repent and things changed. What happens if I fall once more, and find myself in the same place again? What do I do? The same as I did before: repent. I don’t really like that word ‘repent’; it sounds so… serious. But it’s very serious indeed, and sometimes I even wonder if I really mean it when I repent; because, so often I find myself falling again. But hey, all that shows is that I’m weak. It doesn’t mean that I wasn’t serious when I repented the first few times. I’ve just got to carry on repenting until I am completely free from it. I can’t give up; I don’t want to, or else I will remain the same, maybe get even worse?
Trust me, the Lord is the last person I want to be angry with, because He’s the only one that will be there for me to the very end, and then for eternity! I guess that 9 times out of 10, I’m not going to understand what He’s doing with my life. Then again I presume that’s where the problem starts: trying to understand something that’s beyond my comprehension. So trusting the Lord with my life is basically living out the prayer I said to Him on the day that I gave my life to Him; with the hope that one day, He will finish what He’s started in me and I will be free indeed!