Morphine is known to be addictive because it works so wonderfully. I loved morphine and wanted it more and more through the day. (I wasn’t on it for long, only a few days)
It took the pain away and relaxed my body. It made me feel light headed and I could slowly feel the pain fade away as the morphine made its way through my arms, down my back and to my feet. I could feel the pain fading and my eyes would slowly close and minutes later, I would be fast asleep in peace.
I remember very well the day the doctor told me I was well enough to be taken off morphine and put on a slightly lighter drug, it broke my heart. I’m not sure how long I was on morphine for but, I would often find myself manipulating the nurse to give me a little more of it. I would tell her that this other drug (probably Pethidine) wasn’t working and that its okay if she gave me a little bit of morphine.
Obviously I didn’t win any battle, but my craving for this horrid drug remained with me for a very long time.
After five restless days in the ICU I was finally able to get out and moved to a ward. All the injections that were everywhere were finally being taken out, I was filled with joy. The drip came off first, then another one that was behind my back that took out blood from my operation and a few that were on my tummy and other places on my body and the last one was this tube that was in my lungs. It was more painful having it taken out than put in for the skin had healed around the tube and the only way to take it out was by force.
I was told to hold my breath and keep still (not like I could move anyways, there was also a woman holding me down). Having that tube in for this long was painful for I often had cramps and felt very uncomfortable. So I was happy to have it taken out. When the nurse had pulled the chest tube out, it felt like he had taken parts of my ribs with him and tore another hole in my lung, I wanted to scream out in pain.
I then heard him say, ‘keep holding your breath, we need to stitch you up’.
I thought this would never end.