We often hear the saying, ‘you need to find yourself’ so I tried doing that by finding things that I liked to do. One of those things was drinking with friends, it took up time and energy and it’s a way to meet people. When everyone is drunk they are more friendly and silly, I became the same for, in person I am shy and struggle meeting new people. But after having a few drinks, I am fun, loud, always running about, chatting and making the most of my evening.
By fifteen or sixteen I had left the church completely and enjoyed my new life, I enjoyed partying with friends and spending time with my boyfriend (a different one by that age). I hadn’t missed the church and argued with my mom every time she asked me to come. I was very stubborn towards my parents when it came to drinking and partying because I wanted one thing and they wanted another. My given curfews killed me and often argued for a later time but never got it, so I was looking forward to the day I was turning 18 so that I may do as I please and go where I please.
School was tough for me, mostly because my close friend went to a different school. It was also difficult for me to make friends as I always felt different from the rest. So like all people, I tried blending in by doing what they were doing. It was the same for when I had a boyfriend; I would hide under his identity and do what he did, speak the way he did, I even acted like him. I had completely lost my identity while trying to imitate everyone else’s just so that I can ‘fit in’. It’s a terrible place to be.