Trying to ‘find’ myself

  We often hear the saying, ‘you need to find yourself’ so I tried doing that by finding things that I liked to do. One of those 301426_2449900002889_393553653_nthings was drinking with friends, it took up time and energy and it’s a way to meet people. When everyone is drunk they are more friendly and silly, I became the same for, in person I am shy and struggle meeting new people. But after having a few drinks, I am fun, loud, always running about, chatting and making the most of my evening.

 

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So, this is the youngest picture of me.. i was 16 years old (i think… or 15)

By fifteen or sixteen I had left the church completely and enjoyed my new life, I enjoyed partying with friends and spending time with my boyfriend (a different one by that age). I hadn’t missed the church and argued with my mom every time she asked me to come. I was very stubborn towards my parents when it came to drinking and partying because I wanted one thing and they wanted another. My given curfews killed me and often argued for a later time but never got it, so I was looking forward to the day I was turning 18 so that I may do as I please and go where I please.

 

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So i know the text says i was miserable at school etc.. but i have a few pictures of my glorious school days and this is the only normal looking one 😛

School was tough for me, mostly because my close friend went to a different school. It was also difficult for me to make friends as I always felt different from the rest. So like all people, I tried blending in by doing what they were doing. It was the same for when I had a boyfriend; I would hide under his identity and do what he did, speak the way he did, I even acted like him. I had completely lost my identity while trying to imitate everyone else’s just so that I can ‘fit in’. It’s a terrible place to be.

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About Marilyn :)

I'm a writer and christian whose living a very complicated life, I know I'm never alone no matter how alone I feel at times. I'm stubborn so i always learn things the hard way and even though I have a lot of regrets, I'd never take anything back because I wouldn't be who I am today.

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