I couldn’t quite understand why I felt there was a wall between me and the Lord. I looked at my life and analysed it thoroughly: my actions were okay and, though my life wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t bad enough for this ‘wall’ to be there. So, what was it? What could possibly be blocking my mediocre walk with Jesus.
People have a habit of defining Christianity, and being a good Christian, by what you do; but, little do they know, it has scarcely anything to do with what you do. I was privileged enough to be shown that not only do actions speak louder than words, but that way before the action is triggered, something is already happening inside of you. That’s what really counts; and, it’s the first thing God looks at.
The New Testament speaks more about the attitude or motivations of our heart, than the actions that follow a humble heart. Our Christian life is really a life of attitude. Go right back to the beginning of your walk with the Lord, and remember that day you realised you were a sinner and gave your heart to Jesus? What do you think was the most important part of that day? Was it when you went up for prayer? Or when you repeated the words of the person praying for you asking Jesus to come into your heart? Nope! But, way before those actions something very important already occurred in your heart… Do you know what it was? It was your attitude that changed. Your heart softened to the love of Jesus. That’s not something you have a control over; and your attitude (which is something you have control over ) was humbled by God’s love; and, that’s what Jesus wants. An attitude of being ready listen, humble yourself and to obey.
We are all able to do good things; even an immoral person can do more charitable deeds than a Christian and with a good attitude too. Don’t get me wrong, but actions mean nothing if the heart of that person doing the good things is closed. First of all God isn’t looking for someone who can do the work (though having that ability has its benefits), He’s looking for someone with the right attitude of heart to do His will. That way one is doing something God’s way with the attitude of heart that He desires, rather than just doing a good deed to feel better about oneself.
Remember, it’s not what you do, or how well you are doing what you’re doing; what counts is the attitude of your heart and how you will react when God speaks. Though His words are always full of grace, they’re also sharp, painful, and cut straight through the heart. I repeat, it’s got nothing to do with what you are doing, it’s the motivation of your heart! Why am I repeating myself? Well, when God confronts you mid serving him (something he does often) we tend to grow a teeny tiny (fat) attitude towards him. Let’s call it our defence mechanism shall we?
No one appreciates it when confronted about their bad attitude when doing a good deed. We immediately flash our works out there, and struggle to understand how someone could focus on such a tiny wrong in the midst of us doing all these ‘right’ things. What we fail to see is that is the beauty of Christian life, true Christian life! It is a life lived by an imperfect being on the road to perfection and, like I said, it’s not what you do but the attitude of heart when you are doing it!
Serve the lord like Everyone else, you are pleasing God by doing so; pray for others, even if you’ve failed several times a day, because that’s pleasing to God; He’s not focused on that day’s failures, but on your heart that wants to be better than what you are! Give to charity if you want to, that pleases God because he wants you to give freely even if you spend more money on other things, he’s looking at a heart that wants to add Him to your budget. Do all these good things because it does indeed please God, but … do it with the right attitude!
Sometimes serving the Lord is tough (I spelt most of the time wrong!) and you can feel physically and mentally drained. That’s normal and Jesus knows that. He doesn’t hold you accountable for that at all, He isn’t looking at that; He’s looking at the state of your heart when He confronts you about your attitude; and, how you react determines the attitude of your heart towards God!
I wish I could speak more clearly but I think you understand what I’m trying to say, right? Take a step back, slow down in your physical service to Jesus and dig deep into your heart and ask yourself, is my heart open to hear from the Lord? Even if he says I’m wrong? Are your ears open to hear the voice of the Lord? When He says go and do this and you do it, then somewhere down the line He confronts your attitude while you’re doing as He says… Are you able to humble yourself when he speaks? Because if you are, it doesn’t matter how much you think you’ve failed, you’ve just won the fight!